I Might Be

 

I Might Be

I might be the hero
in another dimension’s
Christmas horror movie

I might be
because I have just 
torched a baby girl demon
wrapped in Christmas lights 
and flung her to the 
depths of Hell over a cliff 
by the sea and prayed 
to the Holy Ghost for forgiveness
in case I did the wrong thing 
but I burned every shred of  
evil and cast down the devil’s
Christmas elf in my nightmare

then woke up completely 
peaceful and relaxed,
not out of breath 
or heart all pumping 
behind a tight-skinned face 
or screaming in terror 
despite all the threats 
from the little fiend that 
she would return 
for more tricks tonight 

I might be 
the movie star celebrity 
of a Stephen King realm 
that exists in the dark universe
somewhere in a movie theater city
where the sun never rises 
and no one ever sleeps or laughs,
they all just eat popcorn 
and watch flicks 24/7 
like that’s all there is to do 

Yeah. Me. 
I just killed an evil baby princess 
in a vivid little coastal town 
probably somewhere 
near Bangor, Maine 
scaled a second floor 
sun balcony patio 
with a single jump 
to trap her in a stairwell,
wrestled this female 
pint-sized Chucky
lit her on fire
with an Aim-‘n-Flame
then hurled her over the edge
~ fully engulfed ~
I, the victor in avenging 
this little demon 
on a power trip 
to destroy the world 

only there’ll be no limo 
no red carpet runway 
In a glittery gown
straight past swooning fans 
to a Golden Globe for me  
~ just a Little Debbie 
Christmas Tree Cake 
shared with 3 
adorable schnoodles 
in the privacy 
of my own living room 
where I am only their hero 
in our rural Georgia 
Funny Farm dimension 

and all of this 
left me wondering 
if this little bitch I killed 
is the one 
who brings hot flashes 
and plagues my nights and  
whether I just saved 
all of womankind 
from the depths of despair 
with my dream-powered 
cunning stunts 
clever moves
fearless determination 
to overcome the enemy 

so if the hot flashes 
of the world 
suddenly cease and 
women across
the world are healed and 
have kept the cool side 
of the pillow 
for nights on end 
without sweat or explanation 
and start appearing on 
The Today Show and 
Good Morning America and 
places like that 
giving testimonials 
attributing it to some new 
mineral they’ve discovered 
or find that they’re dog mamas 
of all the same breed?
there’s no need to buy 
the infomercial miracle sprinkles 
or the puppy 
because that’s not why 
they’re hot flashless –
no, indeed
it was my nightmare prowess 
and bravery that cured us, 
y’all. 

Yeah,
that was me – the one
wearing the invisible 
blue snowflake cape – 
a hot flash hell hero
from another dimension 

I did that! 

Today’s poem has me wondering whether the Covid booster has additional side effects like murderous nightmares